Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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