Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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