apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
wow bdsm is so cute
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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