so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
