I got chris browned last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
