a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
