I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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