I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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