It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
