I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
