You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
