I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
