Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize