I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
