$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
