you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
