so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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