you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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