i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
