there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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