tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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