Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
