i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who died my cat blue again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
