You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
