the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
