i just sent this text using only my big toe
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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