I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
