I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
