did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
