my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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