More tranny stories later!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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