Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
