It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
