Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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