i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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