can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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