i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
