I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My bed smells like the plague
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize