Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
