There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
