you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
