Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
