Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dick has a subreddit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
