1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
