I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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