everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
