The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
