one two three fourrrrnication!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
