Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
