I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
