I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
