wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
