We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sobbing to NWA
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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