Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
