Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
