apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
