No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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