just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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