i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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