Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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