It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
