I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As shirtless as possible
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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