last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
