sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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