i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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