My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
