Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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