porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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