Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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