Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize