He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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