Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my shit smells like andre
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
