i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
