Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
