Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
