I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
