Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
