so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it glows. i had to have it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
