On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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