I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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