Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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