i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
