I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
