i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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