Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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