No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
