scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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