WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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