Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
