he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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