I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
