so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
