White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish you could order shots online.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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