at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
