Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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