If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
