you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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