Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize