PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
