I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
