lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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