On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize