Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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