I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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