I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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