Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
