My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
